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CLICK TO RETURN TO PAGE 2 OF LIST OF PAPERS CLICK TO RETURN TO PAGE 1 OF LIST OF PAPERS CLICK TO RETURN TO PAGE 3 OF LIST OF PAPERS 63. KRULIK, GERALD, Ask Jerry: Conundrums Clarified for the Courteous Chlorophyllophile (Gardener) Part 10, CRAZY ANNIE PART ONE OF FIVE, PUP TALK (Saddleback Valley Bromeliad Society), 16(7), p. 6, July, 2009. Dear Jerry I think hybrid broms are great! I can’t get enough of them. My husband thinks I am crazy, but I have a program that I am sure will work. I have assembled the best (in my humble opinion) selection of hybrid bromeliads in my state. I am now systematically working my way through a novel, never before thought of, concept. I am going to combine all of these hybrids into one spectacular plant! Here is what I am doing. I have assembled all these plants together. Each time two of the broms flower, I have been cross pollinating them. Then I wait for the seeds, and plant them. Sound familiar? I started with about 64 hybrid plants. This means I can get 32 crosses, right? OK, I am now quite a bit farther along than this. Of the 32 crosses, I have now 32 lots of gorgeous seedlings. I am selecting the best looking plant of each lot for further sexual experimentation. My criteria are simply, the best looking plant and the best looking flower, whichever I decide. These will then be crossed to give about 16 lots of further hybrids. Then I will cross them to get 8 lots of hybrids, then 4 lots. By this time I will be a bit older, and wiser. The final 4 lots will be crossed again, to give what I expect to be two remarkably beautiful plants. These last two plants will join to produce the ultimate brom hybrid, which I anticipate to call Tilvribergpitcalcantneobromodykhechanaachmcatopcryppuyglomerwitia, or ‘Annie’s Crazy Bastard’ for short. What do you think of my plan? Signed The cross-pollinator ****************** Dear Crazy Annie I am at a loss (almost) for words. The sheer scope of the project is daunting. You will hopefully live to see the end of this, as we are talking 6 generations of plants, some of which may take ten or more years to flower. I might suggest endowing a foundation, to carry on your project to its completion. Your concept is novel—the original 64 hybrids themselves are the product of at least 128 parents, and some may be triple hybrids already. This sounds like the ultimate Indonesian rijsttafel*, the blending of 128 separate dishes to create the ultimate dining experience. Though even my eating capacity has never sustained me past 30-odd dishes. May I call you Ms. Frankenstein? I do believe that you are trying to create a hopeful monster, but in the wrong way. My feeling is that you will more probably create the ultimate green blob, that ate Los Angeles. My mind boggles at one plant, having all the colors, shapes, and textures of all possible bromeliad leaf combinations; perhaps one leaf per combination, all in one very leafy plant? That would be a sight. And the flower stalk—short/long/branched/plumose/ pineapple-like, all in one, or from different blooming stems on the plant? Each bloom a different color, scent, and shape of course. I am sending you my very own pre-viewed copy of Little Shop of Horrors for your review. Also my copy of The Thing, the giant walking carrot that ate the arctic explorers. And the Day of the Triffids, where the three legged plants take over. Sleep well and ponder, during all these years of work. Develop a contingency plan, for when something may grab you when you step outside, or when your back yard disappears overnight. I am not going to open any packages from you. Jerry the sceptic *http://old.thejakartapost.com/yesterdaydetail.asp?fileid=20031029.R02 |
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